Sometimes it takes a bit of a shocker for you to realise you might need to change your ways and for me that moment was definitely reached 3 weeks ago. I had to realise that 1. I am still a drama queen (*sigh*) and 2. I am an A Type over analyser and over sharer. Especially when we’re talking “Men Problems” this seems to be the case with many women but why did we become like this and how can we stop? I made a little list of coping methods that helped me become more calm and basically get my
shit act together. If your relationship status is “It’s Complicated”, stick with me ladies…
That’s easier said than done let’s get that much straight! When you’re caught up in a situation especially when it involves some super hot kinda cute but defo super hot dude (because it usually involves a smoke show type of man, right?) it’s really difficult to take a step back and try to collect your thoughts.
The problem most of us are facing is that we tend to over share with our girlfriends and THAT my friends is not always a good idea. Here’s the thing – “All men are the same” – doesn’t really work for me anymore because all men are NOT the same. You can always compare because it’s human nature to do so but you need to keep in mind that everyone is different and situations do differ. Just because your girlfriend knew a guy who knew a girl who went out with a guy that did EXACTLY THE SAME THING you’re talking about doesn’t mean “your” guy is the exact same.
Don’t overthink it! If he says something that doesn’t make that much sense to you either ask or drop it. Spending hours thinking about what he could possibly have meant won’t help you stay cool. Seen as it’s 2017 and WhatsApp is the common platform for “conversation” nowadays smileys seem to be an issue. We differ between “I’m pissed at you smileys” and “I’m good smileys”. Take it from me (someone who uses smileys after every
sentence word basically – they don’t mean anything. And if you feel like his smileys are inappropriate, STOP THINKING THAT. It’s all irrelevant.
For me , what made the biggest difference was thinking that either way I’m gonna be happy. No matter what the outcome is – weather you end up together or you part ways – either option is going to be A-OK! Because everything happens for a reason. If you’re meant to be with someone at this point in your life you will be. If not then there is definitely something better, something that will make you happy for sure around the corner. Don’t let your happiness depend on how another person treats you.
Yes, you deserve the best and yes you should be treated nicely BUT not everyone has the same standards of “nice” as you. What you need to decide is weather or not the way he treats you is “enough” for you or not. Can you accept him for what he is? If yes , you my friend need to lower your expectations. It can’t always be a fairytale. Not every day will be a good day but even when you feel like you’re not connecting with him (because he’s not txting all day) that shouldn’t affect your happiness/general mood.
I recently had my perfect week and here’s why: I met up with a friend/group of friends almost every day of that week… We went to Events, to christmas markets or hung out at my house and it was literally PERFECT! Surround yourself with friends because that will make you happy for the main part! Of course it’s nice to have the guy you fancy around but it’s not absolutely VITAL that it’s every second of every day. Sometimes you might be in a situation where the other person might not have the time to meet up every other day or every week even (and by sometimes I mean currently happening for me :D) but that’s okay as long as you’re okay. Just because someone can’t / won’t meet up that often doesn’t automatically mean he’s not that into you. People will tell you this line literally ALL THE TIME and it’s just a matter of how you take it. You can’t make anyone want to make time for you the only thing you CAN do is let things develop naturally. If you like the way they’re going, great! If not you can always go.
I recently started with spinning again and I’m out on walks with Howie (the doggo) alot more often. I genuinely feel better about myself after and there is no tension or aggression or drama that I feel like dropping on my current guy obsession. Guys tend to run away from drama and over sensitive women (surprise! although is it really?) so whatever drama you got left in you either listen to music and walk it out, drop it on a girlfriend who can relate or run/spin the
fuck living bejaysus out of it. You do you, boo! I personally think it’s important to let him come to you. Guys will generally tell you what they want/need if you let them.
You might think all of these “coping methods” are basically part of “Playing the game” but it’s quite the contrary! Sometimes fairytales do happen and you meet a guy who is all in from the first minute but until that happens you need to keep it cool. Keeping it cool however doesn’t mean being mean to him, having 3 side boys or ignoring him. You still have to be a decent person and do what is morally okay for you. I personally try to be nice with everyone because that’s genuinely how I am so it’s obvious that I’m going to be nice to the guy I’m into. A lot of people think you need to treat people badly in order for them to come “running back to you” but I definitely, DEFINITELY don’t believe in that. Be nice because Karma IS a bitch. Be there for him if he needs you , give him space if he doesn’t. As harsh as it may seem he might not need you all the time!
This is probably the most important thing you need to realise. (The most important thing I had to realise.) Don’t try to figure out what this is. So many people fail because they need labels and they want to know where things are going when in reality, it’s usually waaay TOO SOON. Let things run naturally and just enjoy the ride. Everything will be the way it’s supposed to be and you forcing it is for sure not gonna be the answer to all your prayers. You need to leave things so that they can grow on their own because as I said, either way you win!
Your girlfriends can be a massive help when it comes to so many things but sometimes they can shovel up some more
shit stuff on your already sticky situation and things can escalate quickly. Try to decide for yourself what’s happening because you are the only one that knows what the situation feels like. You’re girlfriends can’t know what you and your dude say/do when you’re alone and you are the only one who knows weather it makes you feel good or bad. Go with your gut! Don’t tell everyone about what he said or did because from 8 people you’ll most likely get 8 different opinions on what it means and THAT will 100% confuse you even more.
It may seem like this is a lot of work on your part but if you’re really putting this much effort into it you really are the only person benefitting from it. You’re not doing all of this for anyone else but yourself. For me personally all of the above changed everything and I definitely feel more balanced and like I have my life together. Having a significant other is very important and I definitely enjoy Him so if things work out, great, but if they don’t I’m still happy to have met him because this was for sure an important learning experience for me.
Goodbye Drama Queen Hello Cool/Happy New Me.
If you guys have any questions definitely mail me or DM me on Instagram as usual 🙂
Wishing everyone a chilled af day,
A chíc and humorous Lifestyle Blogger/Vlogger/Youtuber/Influencer based in Vienna,Austria. Blog content varies from English, German to Hungarian and Romanian. For Business Enquiries & Collaborations please contact firstname.lastname@example.org. Shanice xo
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