I’m a firm believer in “Everything happens for a reason” and I do believe that we learn (or we should) something out of every experiance we have. I recently came to 2 realisations: #1 It’s okay to put someone else first even if it means you and your needs suffer for a while as long as he’s/she’s worth it for you and #2 When the time comes that you’re done with doing that and ready to put your needs up there with his/hers you can feel it. I am now at the point where I’ve had enough of a certain behaviour and the good thing, the surprising thing? I’m not even filled with regret or hate or any negative feelings because I know for a fact I gave it my all…
So as you may or may not have noticed my recent Twisted Cinderella Stories have had a certain “relationshipy” (yes, I’m aware that’s not a word stay with me) touch to them and the reason is mainly one guy I’ve been seeing. It’s hard to say why or how but in a way I changed tremendously because of him and that’s something I’ll always be grateful for. See, the thing is I used to be very different when it came to relationships with men. I was always a completely different person with my friends – understanding, patient with just genuine unconditional love- but when it came to guys there was always something off in my head. I used to be overly dramatic, rude, mean, unapologetic and downright irrational when it came to everything they did or said. It’s safe to say I’m surprised I ever had those longterm relationships because you people (my ex boyfriends) were
fucking flipping saints. All of this seemed to have changed when this new guy – let’s call him Mike – came into my life. For some reason I wanted it to work. I obviously copped on to the fact that he was/is a super difficult, closed up guy quite early on but I was willing to put my needs an feelings aside if it meant he could still be part of my life. This is new. I’ve never put a man first and literally willingly decided to “keep my mouth shut” when i felt like it’s not worth a fight because I definitely did not want the discussion to escalate. And don’t get me wrong, everyone deserves someone who appreciates them and treats them right BUT I learned that it can all be done in an appropriate, respectful manner with no fights, no arguments, nothing that escalates.
Now, here’s where I started to be in a bit of a dilema. You can only take so much. My family and friends have definitely told me more than once that I need to stand up for myself (which is something I never had a problem with before but again, for some reason I became tame) and I always knew I’m going to have to but I just never was able to. Untill now. We all reach a point when you feel that it’s enough. I can recommend two things whenever this happens to you.
#1 SAY IT ALL
You need to say all the stuff you’ve bottled up over the past months/weeks/days and just let it all out. More importantly you need to finally say it to the person directly. I have a habbit of writing things in a notebook or on my phones “Notes” app but i felt so completely relieved as soon as i actually hit the SEND button and sent it to him directly. I felt like I did myself justice , like I can walk out of this (if it comes down to it) with no regrets because I gave it 100%, 100% of the time. Sure you’re going to be upset now and then but ultimately if you did yourself justice and you were absolutely in it full speed there is nothing else you could have done.That’s the beauty of it. There is nothing YOU could have done to change the situation so ultimately you can just let it go.
#2 Let it all out
I mean give yourself the full theatrical show. Pop on some sad tunes, close the windows, get the tissues and cry like a hysterical 4 year old who wants their mommy. Trust me, although it feels overwhealming in that moment initially you feel “empty” and the emptyness will turn to “calm” which evidently will become “relief”. You reach a point where you think to yourself: “Okay, so either way I’m going to be okay. If he gets his
shit together, super! if not, well it’s no me hun, it’s you.” This realisation in itself comes with a feeling of utter relief because again, you (aka I) did everything humanly possible and more.
So now we (as in I) can finally begin to think about Selfworth again. You deserve to be treated nicely. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to get someones time, attention and effort. Of course you need to take into consideration that people are different, we’ve all been through
shit stuff and some people take longer to open up BUT when it’s time to say STOP it’s just going to have to happen nomatter what. The most important thing in any relationship is to stay true to yourself in a way that you can walk out of it and still have respect for your own self. I definiely gave it my all, I said it all and what happens next is down to him. I learned alot about myself over the past 3 months and I’m very thankful for that.
Until next time,
A chíc and humorous Lifestyle Blogger/Vlogger/Youtuber/Influencer based in Vienna,Austria. Blog content varies from English, German to Hungarian and Romanian. For Business Enquiries & Collaborations please contact firstname.lastname@example.org. Shanice xo
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